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Saturday, March 27, 2010

Dude... She's on your team.

There are rules.  This is not a game.  This is the official start of the 2010 "She's on your team" season.  First there are a few things that you need to be aware of.

#1  You are playing the game, even though you didn't know it.

#2  There are rules to this game.

#3  Disputing the rules is a valid tactic.

#4  Girls also play this game.

#5  You cannot refuse to play the game once someone makes an assignment.

There's much more to it, and lets get down to the nitty-gritty shall we?  First off, we all know that it wouldn't be fair if you could just pick your own team members.  Team members must be assigned through another.  Otherwise I am sure Todd would be stacking his team with this kind of thing:

And yes, Wal-mart is a really good spot to find that player that you need to fill your team spots.  Ladies, no worries, we aren't forgetting about you either:

It's customary that if you have just been assigned an award winning member of the opposite sex to your team to celebrate further by giving them a position assignment.  Tall people are great for corners and quarterbacks, while midgets obviously in my case are better assigned as a kicker.

There are further rules that may endager your assignment refusals.  For example, if you worked with, frequented a place where said team assignment hangs out, or in some way are related to the assignee, they are by DEFAULT on your team, and the contesting of the assignment is void.

Here are some rules that Shad Staples would usually make clear in any situation.

#1  At no time can you have romantic relations with your team members.  They are on your team to play the game, and that is all.  (We've run into trouble on this one a few times due to Todd...)

#2  At no time can you refuse a team assignment.  The only time this rule may be broken is if you can give adequate pause to the assignee on the reason that you provide.  If they hesitate for any considerable amount of time (seconds) you have successfully rebuked the assignment and can assign it right back.

#3  Team members can be assigned if you are absent.  All you need is one witness to the assignation of the team member, and provide an accurate description of why they were assigned and it's a valid assignment.

#4  The rules at any time may be modified if the rule you propose is agreed upon by other team members present.  These rules do not have a lasting effect, but to the quick witted player it can save you from being assigned a member affectionately nicknamed "The Frump".  I had 5 days to find a better team member assignment to another and failed to do so, and thus I am a lifetime owner of "The Frump".  Honorable mention of this rule to Boone Braithwaite.  Thanks a lot buddy...

Remember that the truly rediculous team assignments that you are given are something to be proud of.  Each season I make it a point to make sure that Jason "Jay Jay" Weninger has some absolutely eyeball burning icky poo poo nasty of a team assignment.  In each occasion he has accepted the assignment graciously.  Mainly for the reason that he is banned from having sex with them.

Now for those of you that think this is just some insensitive way for us to poke fun at anyone that's out of shape, you are wrong.  Some of the best assignments are really icky thin people.  Let's face it, the world is full of some pretty damn interesting people.  Here's a few instances to support me.

So let's get out there and get working on your teams folks!  Spring has finally arrived and some of the best assignments are ready to be poached!  Good luck to you on this years teams!

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