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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mid-night ramblings of an angry man.

I feel like channeling some Denis Leary tonight I guess.  Maybe I just need a good old fashioned rant the way some know I am capable of, but I feel like if I don't get some of this shit out of me I might explode a little bit on someone who most likely doesn't deserve it.  Because damnit I'm fed up with some stuff.  Things I've noticed the last while that I must vent about.  These are real-life observances, I'm not just making shit up.

Kids these days:

In case some of the maggot-infested degenerate parents somehow happen to come across this blog, and I really doubt how they might as not too many read this blog, barely even a few but hey, I just want to point some things out about you and your kids.

When you have dragged your beautiful stuck in the 80's ass out of bed finally and have made the oh so difficult trek to Walmart to fill up your stash of ho-ho's, ding dongs, and microwavable dinners and you are there in the line with one kid hanging damned near upside down in the cart, with one of your flock of kids pulling the others hair fighting over who gets to sit on the bottom of the cart for the ride out of the car, that little 3 year old duder is crying.  Now, your logic it seems as you are disgruntled about them not selling you your carton of Virginia Slims through the express checkout that you clearly brought no less than 42 bajillion items through, it's easiest for you to scream at your kid as loud as possible in your nicest voice to "STOP CRYING!!!! MY GAWD!!!!!  THIS, THIS IS WHY I HATE SHOPPING WITH YOU GOD DAMN KIDS!!!"  Maybe you should realize that the little kid that's crying just might be crying over his future.  Way to go supermom, yell at the kid like that, I'm sure it will stop him from crying.

Or you, yes you, that Mom and Dad that are so busy doing your not parenting that you failed to notice that your daughter just left the house wearing an outfit that I would assume the trendiest bar whores all aspire to wear on a friday night.  Today, just today I interrupted my own conversation with a friend to stare at two girls that had to be about 15 years old tops wearing the sluttiest, the most lascivious outfits they could possibly find (matching outfits mind you) heading into the mall as I was outside sipping on a coffee contemplating the state of my guts.  Yeah yeah drinking coffee wasn't helping my guts but hey, I was stewing, get off me...

I am assuming that your excuses would be freaking mind boggling to say the least, and why I haven't followed these kids home to slap the shit out of you both is beyond me.  Now that's something that I'd love to go to jail for.  I mean really...  What are you instilling into these girls heads?  To demand respect from men, but dress up like a damn tart?  To put out an image that says whatever the hell it's saying so loudly that it makes me want to freak out?  THESE ARE YOUR LITTLE GIRLS.  If you feel like letting them out in public like that, then don't be too upset when whatever image they are putting out there backfires on them and they come crying to you.  PROTECT THEM FROM THAT.  For crying out soft where the hell are your values at?

And the dudes.  Ahh the dudes.  I don't even know what to say.  Put on a pair of skin tight pants, a pink Aeropostle shirt, comb your hair into a Fohawk and act like a douche bag non-stop.  Pro-tip:  Those Vans, Converse, etc shoes that you are wearing unlaced, the skin tight pants and the pink shirt look really damn stupid.  Also get a haircut.  You're confusing the other dudes.  For real.

Oh am I sounding old here?  Am I sounding old fashioned?  Is there a cardinal rule here I am breaking because I don't have kids of my own?  Stow that crap because you are being a stupid stupid parent.  These are the same kids that you dumbasses are letting drive your 50 thousand dollar pickup up and down 17th street at night so fast that if something DID go wrong they wouldn't have a chance in hell of recovering the body with any sign of life out of the car he just smashed.  You are the same idiot that is also letting the same kid take out your 60 thousand dollar ski boat that he is promptly filling up with girlie's and running it into a rock complaining to me about what it's going to cost to fix.  You deserve this shit sandwich you moron, you made it and served it up.  Eat it.

Your kids are NOT MINIATURE ADULTS.  They are KIDS.  Your inability or flat out refusal to PARENT these kids are turning them into the monsters that they are.  The Honda that I just saw you driving down the road with 2 car seats in the back filled with toddlers while you blast some asshole rap music as loud as you can with your 12 inch subs is the same car that they are learning behaviour skills, manners, and basic everyday crap in.  It's the same crap that you are teaching your kid now that is having them bitch slapping each other at Leo's Pizza for no good damn reason.  It isn't cute.  It isn't acceptable.  It isn't funny.  It's despicable.  And so are you.  While you feed your kid non stop sugar and bitch that your medicaid won't work at this dentist or that dentist because your 4 year old needs a root canal on their baby teeth from all of the crap that you feed your kids yet somehow don't get their teeth brushed.  Are you kidding me?  Get the crap out of their mouth and feed them something decent so they don't grow up and be a diabetic due to the bullshit diet that you are starting them on now.


Listen up chuckle head.  Racism isn't something that a little kid is born with.  It's something that is taught.  It isn't cute to call someone a racist name while your kid is sitting there munching on his happy meal.  They may learn some of this crap from his peers, but they are learning the beginnings of it at home with you, you degenerate asshole.  Kids should hate chores, and dentists, and members of the opposite sex until their teens.  Not the color of someones skin.  You want to go back to the 60's and 70's and relive that crap go ahead.  I'm not.  Grow the hell up.

Stupid Single People:

You, yes you the 30 something person that is dating.  The same damn person that declares that the relationship has lost it's excitement, or the shiny newness of it and for no other reason torpedoes your current relationship and or marriage to go out with that hot piece of something that you recently met and have already decided that you are going to cheat with anyways so your justifications are just plain shit.  YOU DESERVE IT.  Yeah, you are going to get your heart broken, yeah you are going to have some kind of shit storm sandwich with this new person when it's over.  You know why?  Well stupid it's because that person wasn't qualified to drive themselves to work let alone be in a relationship with you.  You deserve it.  You know why?  Well it's because you largely made it happen.  You know what you should have done?  You should have remembered what made you get married, or in the relationship in the first place and worked on THAT instead of just bailing out on something that was once the best day of your life for the life that seems so green on the other side of the fence.  You are an idiot.  Get the hell out of my dating pool you are pissing in the water.

Hey dudes.  Yes you, you fat piece of crap.  Take better care of yourself.  Don't treat your wife/girlfriend like you don't give a shit, because when you start doing that, well who can blame her when she leaves.

Hey girls.  I have no idea how to unscrew your brain because I have no idea why you are more interested in a different guy that is only telling you what he is do have his way with you anyways.  Congrats.  You're now a single girl/mom and get to do it all over again.  I hope your shiny new douche bag that you are throwing your current other away for instead of trying to work on it was worth it.  You suck.  A lot.

Don't cheat on your significant other.  Don't lie to them.  Don't take them for granted.  Don't ignore their needs/wants.  Don't think that it would be so much easier on your own, or out of the relationship.  When you've gone off and made your crap sandwich they are NOT going to take you back.  They are instead going to loathe you for the rest of your days and revel in the fact that you are miserable to some degree.

By the way jackasses.  Birth control is there for a reason.  You don't want kids?  You don't want an STD?  If you in your infinite wisdom have decided to tramp yourself about use birth control.  IT'S CHEAP AND EFFECTIVE.  Sure everyone gets lonely, sure it's nice to have someone close.  Sure isn't nice when you just brought an innocent soul into this world that you didn't want.  Sure isn't nice when you have Herpes or god knows what else because you were careless.  If you're a big ol grownup, and you're OK with having promiscuous sex, then you had better play by some kind of rules.

The text message.  Wow.  The things that are sent on text messages.  It seems that as men and women we are now somehow incapable of returning a call or a whatever?  We instead do all this by remote through texting?  I'm a real person.  Talk to me with your real person voice.  Else I will really not get back to you, or I will really not bother to contact you again.  Oh and you, the married woman.  DON'T TALK TO ME.  SERIOUSLY.  I may think that you are gorgeous as all get out.  I may even crave or desire a relationship with you.  Please don't ask me to do that.  Really.  Just stop.  You know who you are.

A lot of these are my own personal bitches about stuff, but I tell you what, it can apply to all of us.  We want to be loved so badly that we will substitute a bad match, or a bad relationship in the interim to help us what...  Forget?  Feel better?  I don't know.  But I know it sucks.


Holy shit.  seriously.  Here's some of the beginning phrases from the ladies to get us started.  Ladies first you know?  We'll get to the guys after.   But first, a foreword:

Look.  We all know it's hard finding someone.  Technology has presented itself with a means to hook two people up through an electronic classified.  Well....  Use it as that.  Use it to meet someone new, maybe a different avenue or whatever the hell, I don't know but use it properly.  Here's a compilation of the GARBAGE that you WOMEN are using as a first impression on the guys.  Keep in mind that THESE ARE LOCAL WOMEN'S ADS. 

can you love me for real?

Looking for the needle in the haystack

Is this game worth it

iam looking for a lover

R all the mature men gone?


blah blah blah

Are you my Knight in Shining Armor???
where are the real men at?!?!?!?!?

Trying to find whatever it is....

Where are all the nice guys?

are there any good men left in the world

My give a damn is busted

just looking for some male companionship


Holy crap girls...  Now obviously there are actually some interesting reads at this particular site, and I have toyed with the idea of maybe participating but...  Some of this crap is unbearable.  Don't you dare lump me into the same category as whatever the hell you are looking for because I am not interested in what you are selling.  You come off like an uneducated twat.  You can't spell.  You already seem like someone I wouldn't want to meet in the first place.  Good gravy...  seriously try again. 
But wait...  seriously the guys are sooooo much more entertaining:

is there any good hearted women outthere
Born to Lose

What be Hap-O-Nin???


looking for friends, sex, maybe more...

You the one Mrs Cleo told me about?

Lookin to rope a real woman

Lifes too important to be taken serious

F.B.I female body inspector

Married but looking for a friend

lets get drunk!

what's up girlies

Looking for Friends with Benefits

Wow...  Just wow...  Spelling.  The message itself..  Just everything...  I go to one particular site to pretty much just laugh my ass off at what people think would sell "them".  Really guys?  Perhaps there IS some Ditch Pig out there, or some incredibly awful someone who will go for what you are saying, and if so...  Well that's just sad.

Well I'm actually getting tired, so I'm going to cut this short here.  But it did feel good getting some of it out.


  1. you hit so many nails on the head....I especially agree with your perspective on kids and parents. Really....Kids need parents and lousey parents are truely an insult to those without children that have so badly wanted them. Too bad whatever it was that got you pregnant didn't come from a desire to show someone all the good and right things int he world.

    Dating....YIKES...Mariage is sooooo much easier, even on the bad days.